12-4-12
I've decided that it's time for me to save a part of me on to something like this. The last time I blogged (Not including the project I just finished) was my senior year of high school. I mean, that wasn't real blogging at all! Well, it was. I wrote about how close we were to high school graduation (where has the time gone!?) and how far away we would all move from each other. Back then, I wrote of how close I wanted to remain to all my classmates. I strongly believed that my friends from high school would still be my friends no matter where we went. I still remember high school graduation. Everyone was talking about different things. The job they were lucky to be hired to, the community college they chose to go, the university that each got accepted to, when they would be departed for war; all going different directions. Somehow, though, deep inside, I still believed that we would all be united just the way we were during our four years of high school. Boy, was I wrong. So much has changed within each one of us and so many have gone unspoken. I cannot remember the last time I heard from some of the people that walked the high school graduation stage with me. They say it is times of disparity that reunite people. The most tragic of the moments or maybe a cause. That's happening this Saturday. After a moment of loss, I have managed to get myself into a fundraiser event at my house where a lot of old high school classmates will be present to help out and help raise some money. So, I wonder, why does it take the loss of a life, a terrible accident, or near death experiences to reunite many of us? Is it that we are so selfish that we forget that friendship is to be there both in the good and the bad?
It has been more than two years since high school graduation. I am pretty much finishing the Fall quarter of my second year at UCLA. I have not seen many high school friends for as long as I have been here. Want to know the saddest part of it all? Some of them come to school here, on this same campus. I'm not going to lie, I miss the old days; the days where a friend was a classroom or a hallway away, maybe even a phone call away! Now, we have all become adults. At the age of 19, no one remembers to call "old friends" just to ask how they are doing... At least not in my case... When I see an old friends name appear as an incoming call on my cell phone, I rejoice! I answer and all I get is a "hey, I need help with this... Can you answer this question? Alright, thanks. Bye." How about a, "Hey! How are you!? Was college what you expected it to be? We should get together for coffee, soon!" College has proven to be both a rewarding but a lonely experience. Once one enters the world of adulthood, it is literally like one is a fish in a sea full of critters. I feel so lost at times.. I don't know what I am doing or why I am here.
College has definitely been a very challenging experience. I mean, my first year was just so full of ups and downs. I constantly felt so alone and lost. I was within a major where I did not feel welcomed or ready. The challenges were too difficult, and it wasn't that I did not want to try, it was my homesickness that held me back. The worries of how my family was doing kept me busier than ever. My mom having to pay everything on her own, without my help.. I think that is what killed me the most. Making the decision to leave my home was the hardest of the decisions. Now, I still worry. But I have a beautiful job that keeps me grounded.
But that's a different topic. Anywho, my first final is in two days so I really need to get back to studying. I will be back, I promise to keep myself grounded and to keep this as up to date as possible. I want to be able to return one day and ask myself, "Did I really write that?!"
